When to control, and when to let it happen.

Summer 2011- Summer 2012= A mess. 

The more you experiment, the more you learn. 

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Albert Einstein

I gave up a lot of what I had, to gain something even more (experience.)

This past year hasn’t been easy since I had to face one of my biggest fears. But it’s true when someone tells you that in order to feel the excitement of life again and reignite the flame, you have to lose it all.

Have you ever risked all of what you had to gain something more? Not many will.. as everyone is afraid of change.

I came back home to nothing. I lost friends, love, a car, a job, everything. And people want to tell me to relax and just be? OK!

I am not the so called “relaxed” person. I like to take charge, take risks, do the unthinkable.

Learning to relax, let things happen, let things go, and do nothing isn’t in my story. Or I didn’t think it was. But I have done it. I had to. I was forced to face my biggest fear in life (doing nothing.)

But it was important to do. I have seen how others live life. As someone told me, some people are afraid to live. I was always afraid to die. Life came easy to me because I wasn’t afraid of anything. I always jumped right in to the pool without thinking. While others wait to see what happens, I risk everything. I don’t do things the right way. I do it the fun and adventurous way. Which is fine, we are all different. I am the leader. I do things the hard way so others can do it the right way.

But why did I need to learn how others live? What was the point?

It’s gotten me to think. It’s gotten me to realize I can do anything and everything. It’s given me even more confidence in myself and how much control I have. It’s gotten me to understand that there is a time and place to be in control and when to be out of control.

I have observed, watched and listen to people. People will usually go on with their lives the best way they know how. By watching and listening to others and not risking anything or buy just doing it and not paying attention to consequences. Both are needed, it’s what makes the world go round.

But to not know how one another lives means your missing out on the opportunity to feel something different.

To understand all of what life has to offer. To take control of your own life the way you feel most comfortable.

It’s all about balance. Once you learn the other side to things you can then take charge. There will always be a part of you that wants to go back.. but it’s up to you to remember what you learnt.

For me? It was a way for me to realize that there is something special about how others live, the gift of simplifying. The gift of patience. The gift of slowing down.

But there is also something special about how I live. The gift of motivation. The gift of creativity. The gift of taking charge.

What I never understood or had was the structure or guidance. I didn’t understand balance as well as I do now. Why people act the way they do. Listening and watching is more valuable then I ever had imagined.

What I value about life the most is that in order to feel excitement, and appreciated life for what it is, you have to lose it all. Which I did.

I met a man the other day who told me he was happier when he lived in a box with his four brothers and sisters then he does now- with a walk in closet. When you grow up with everything and don’t live up to that later down the road there is no excitement for life.

When you have nothing to work hard for and you get to the top really quickly- you have no excitement for what is next.

When you have something all the time, there is no room for thrill, excitement, or achievement.

What are you working towards if you have it all, all the time?

Most people like to know what’s coming but I guess sometimes— not knowing is way more fun.

The anticipation is more valuable.

……And sometimes you have to be at the top or completely low to the grown to make your way up again. It’s natural and only the strong ones will survive.

I didn’t choose the role of having to be a leader. I didn’t choose how I learn best (by doing.) But I am making the choice to appreciate what I was given and do the right thing for my family and my future.

The thing is, my life has been exciting, eventful, and totally ridiculous. But I don’t want to live a normal life. I want to be completely ridiculous. I have a gift of being that way inside- I don’t have to try. Some have to try their whole lives to be silly, goofy, funny, and completely ridiculous. Not I! I was born that way.

What I struggle with is being serious, controlled, and grounded. But hey, we all struggle with something. 😉

But I look at life as fun. I love learning, sharing, and teaching. I love figuring out why people are the way they are and learning about other people and their stories.

I like to do things to better myself and my family (in our own unique way.) I sometimes have to do things the hard and wrong way to feel better when I do the right thing. But hey.. I am human!!

I grew up having to take charge of my own life. Getting a job and building a future. It has never been balanced but I have HAD FUN making my way through. It has always been my way and for the most part I think I have done a great job taking charge of my life and providing my own structure and guidance. All I need to learn more of is when to slow down, when to take control and when to ask for help (or observe more.)

I also have to not be so hard on myself seeing how much I understand at the age of 22.

I still make bad choices (who doesn’t….) But I also love how much I have done, that way I can teach others!

HAPPY SUNDAY EVERYONE. I am taking my family out to dinner now! 🙂 We never go out to dinner (as a family.) It’s needed and it is going to be my treat. When you don’t do something very often it feels SO MUCH BETTER!!

How have you all been?!


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