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The other side

I always want to bring up “the other side.” The other side of yourself many people aren’t aware of.

Up until I met my ex I really didn’t understand how different humans were from one another.

You know how when you were in school people would always say “we all learn differently.” Well up until recently I never understood that statement correctly.

I met my other side. The complete opposite person. Heck, I dated him for 8 months!

We thought differently, ate differently, spoke differently, heck I wanted to ripped his eyes out most of the time.

But the more and more I got sucked into the relationship the more I wanted to learn. Yes, I ate my emotions away and it wasn’t healthy for me nutrition/habit wise. But I am slowly recovering from that. The knowledge I obtained makes up for it.

The more I was with him the more I thought like him. I developed the other side of who I was. I developed a new way of thinking. I saw how the other person lived and I was even able to develop a way of putting myself in their shoes more effectively. Will I ever know what it is like? No. But I can understand “the other side” even more. It makes me love life and people even more. It makes me completely aware of how I process and think and I can better understand myself from that. How I think, how I learn, how I function all together. We are like little robots with feelings!

I lived 22 years helping others, doing what others told me to do, thought like everyone else, I was someone else (then I am now.) If you are confused read this first… it may help!

I wasn’t my own being. I wasn’t controlling who I was as a person.

This trip has been a healing process. This last month has been a culture shock. This last month has been everything I need. Do I think everyone needs time alone (of doing absolutely nothing) to become aware of habits and thinking? Yes!

I am not quite there (doing absolutely nothing.) Do I want to experience it!? Yes. But I don’t want to rush into it (I tend to do that.)

Derek Sivers is a man I look up to.  He kind of gets it when I go on and on about this psychology stuff. We have been emailing and he mentioned trying something like this  http://www.dhamma.org/en/. I am not sure if it’s right for me. Not right now anyway. Something he does mention to always do is to go with what your gut is telling you to do. It’s hard to know right away (in my opinion.) The more time I spent completely alone the easier it was. Like I said, up until my last relationship I didn’t know anything about being alone. The relationship was kind of a stepping stone for me. He was a very quiet man and the time we spent with one another was usually not communicating (a practice of being “alone”.) Then I took off for Texas and the days have gone by where I don’t see anyone, don’t do much of anything, and just “be.” It becomes easier and easier everyday. The habits I see myself doing are incredible and it’s awesome to become completely “aware” of them. You may be aware of what you are doing but are you actually thinking about it (why..) or just doing it?
Think about it.. you go your whole life thinking, doing, moving, communicating. When do you ever get a chance to ask yourself is this something I really want to do or am I doing it to fit in somewhere? Is this something I really want to do or is this so someone else can like me better? Is this something I really want to do or is this something I have always JUST DONE? Is this something I really want to do or is this because it’s a safe decision and I can easily predict the results? Is there something I really wish I COULD BE doing but instead I choose to do the opposite because I am too afraid of doing it?

The happiest memories that I can remember are the times were I wasn’t a size 00. The times where I am with the ones I love. The times were I am completely being my ridiculous and goofy self making people laugh. The times were I have no make up and people still want to be around me because I am a happy, funny person. The times where I am communicating, serving and learning about others. The times I am on an adventure and not knowing what is coming next. The times where I wasn’t caring about exercise or my diet. The times were I didn’t FEEL CONTROLLED and instead  I WAS IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE. I haven’t felt like that in a very long long long long time. But I am getting there. I am healing and I believe I am further then I could ever imagine because I am not letting work, humans, an exercise, or a diet control me.. and I want this to continue until I start nannying July 2nd. This isn’t a summer I was expecting. It will probably be a summer I don’t forget. But I am healing. I am in my own recovery controlled by yours truly Lauren Paradis. It’s needed in order to guide others and help them realize there is a completely different side to you that you may not know about. I didn’t until about a year ago. When you let of yourself and move towards the fear you…can feel freedom. But don’t let the fear scare you! True beauty will escape. I am not crazy. I am just strong in the area of feeling the fear and doing it anyway. I may not have a 6 pack, I may not have the perfect diet. But as The Institute of Integrative Nutrition says “there are many different forms of health.” You may eat really well but you also may be an emotional reck (have a lot of anger and jealousy issues) which in my opinion would make you unhealthy. You may run 10 miles a day but be a workaholic as well. It’s all about finding out who you are and doing what you love. The rest comes along (diet, exercise, emotion, etc.) When you are in complete control and doing what fulfills you.. you don’t use anger, jealousy, food, exercise as a savor. You are in complete happiness. Most will be in denial most of their lives. That is ok. But I have met some awesome happy people and you can tell when they are themselves. I am sure it’s a blessing to have found who you are at a young age and didn’t let influence, others, and peer pressure define you. In my case, I just always went with the flow and made a habit of not being able to say no. (I loved helping people too much!) But you realize when you get older how you have no control and then control something else because you have no idea how to control yourself! For me it was diet, exercise, etc. Now.. I have all the knowledge about food and happiness to guide others to rediscover themselves! I am blessed this happened now and not 48824 years later. I was going to thank my ex for the help (of just being who he was!) However, I am going to thank myself… thank myself for sticking to what my gut wanted! It’s not easy that is for sure.

This means that IIN has it right. They state over and over how it’s not just nutrition, not just exercise, not just one thing that will really change and empower you. It’s the soul inside. What does that soul want?

Mine? I am still discovering that (very slowly.) I know many things about myself but still have some horrid habits (who knows which will stay and which will eventually go?)

But I know it’s possible. I know it’s possible to be guilt, anxiety, and fear free.

Hey I even had a great “moment” today. I biked all around for about 5 hours. I am getting myself to understand that movement and exercise do not have to be forced or be in control of me. I can do what I want, eat how I would like, and still be in shape.

I was just about everywhere in Austin and I saw a camp by a trail A bunch of kids playing in the water HAVING A BLAST. We always mention how amazing kids are and how much we can learn from them. But do we ever truly understand what could be going on in their heads as to why they make the choices they do? I think it’s the hardest thing. To think back how we thought as a child? I know I was a goofy, crazy kid. I would make videos, make up games, make up dances ALL THE TIME. I was an adventurous, crazy kid and I don’t know why I chose sports over more creative things like movie making, art, etc. I think my “gut” always new what I secretly would have loved to do…but the boys at soccer and what my best friend was doing had always pulled me away. Lesson learnt right?

I am a creative, happy, controlling person AND IT’S NOT TOO LATE. I am again, BLESSED at the fact that I know how my other side thinks and what truly fulfills me.

My tips in order to get close to finding out what empowers and fulfills you?
1. Make time alone ( a lot of time..)
2. Surround yourself with people that TICK YOU OFF.. ok I am joking.. but when something bothers you about someone.. ask yourself why? Usually it’s because it’s not one of your strengths and you like to feel empowered.
3. Stop putting so much on your plate. YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING in order to feel good about yourself. Ask Derek Sivers says… either it’s HELL YEAH or no.
4. Take baby steps. Yes, I have rushed into things. Heck instead of just going to a close state.. I move half way through the country. Leave it to me. But it has been amazing..fearful..and I don’t really feel normal! But it’s awesome!
5. Try different things, research different things and whatever amazes you.. do.
6. Get rid of whatever is draining you and make room for what excites you!!
7. Do not let “smart” people change the way YOU THINK. If you want to know what I am really talking about… email me! (marielauren3@gmail.com)

There are plenty of more tips I could give you. You just have to trust me ( I have been through enough!) and most importantly TRUST YOURSELF! You are smarter then you think! You CAN reach your goals, YOU CAN love everything you do, and YOU CAN one day guide others like I eventually want to do. Don’t let the feeling of the “real world” bring you down, there is a whole different side if you are the kind of person who wants to experience it! Not everyone does.. but I know I do. 😉

2 thoughts on “The other side

  1. That Derek Silver guy sounds pretty interesting. I’m bookmarking his website so I can go over it when I have more time in the morning (it’s 2 am!).

    I love reading these posts, Lauren. I used to love writing and jotting down my thoughts and opinions, but lately I’ve lost touch with that. Tell me how to get back to it!

    1. It’s the only way I learn! I have to write, blog, and reinforce the positive into brain to make it stick!

      Honestly, I felt I like I finally *healed.* With the silence, time alone, and writing.. it makes me feel alive!

      Start small (baby steps)… Don’t force anything.. but try and make a new habit stick by writing a tiny bit each day (only if you want to!) Remember the times you did and why you liked doing it.

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