Taking control of your life is hard especially when your in a new place with unfamiliar territory. Your mind is being focused on figuring out where things are, what your going to do for the day and what makes you happy.
However, it’s a learning experience you will never forget! The beginning is always the hardest right?!
Becoming a scientist means you will be experimenting. So of course the “explosions” will happen. Nothing will be easy and things will go wrong.
That’s how my life feels right now. Experiment after experiment. However, if you continue doing “what doesn’t work” then you aren’t going to get anywhere…
The unfamiliar and the unknown… something we hear about ALL THE TIME. Why is it that some people like finding out the answers to the unknown? Continuously on the search of what hasn’t been discovered..
Not everyone likes that though! I know plenty of people that loves doing what everyone else is doing and keeping to the familiar.
However, that’s NOT ME for sure! :p
I honestly get discouraged when things aren’t necessarily perfect in my life at this very moment. I don’t look at the *whole* picture as often as I need to. It’s not easy when you see the world in so many colors and not just in black and white.
But I know for a fact that discouragement…
…..doesn’t help me one bit!
Experiment after experiment…
…..lesson after lesson…
and you know what? Life goes on! It’s not our bodies or beauty we get upset about. It’s our minds that play the tricks on us. It’s our minds that put us in misery with our bodies and life. As a control freak.. I should be able to take more control of my OWN life right? You would think so! But it’s the things I can’t change I tend to want to control more. Well, I am on a mission to reverse that. Use my lovely controlling personality to CONTROL the things I can change. It seems that my life would move a lot smoother. :p
Oh the power of our minds…… it’s quite enlightening when you think about it.
Mission: Look in the mirror and really ask myself: What is your purpose here on earth? What are you good at? What are your strengths?
When you really answer this question truthfully.. I think that life becomes easier. You know what you are here to do and what makes you feel fulfilled. When you are doing what you love.. everything else just falls into place.
I have spent the last month kind of experimenting (doing things I didn’t 100% want to do), getting myself into trouble (tows, crash, sun burnt), and getting situated. The way I learn is by seeing and doing, so I had no other way of knowing what my life would look like here. I am getting more and more use to it!
I know who I am and what I want my life is to look like. The more people I meet and talk the clearer it gets.
As of right now I have three possibilities for a job. I believe my purpose here on earth is to help people. My life experiences and interests landed me in the health and psychology field. I love learning about food, balance and people. As you know, I am enrolled with the Institute For Integrative Nutrition. I think it was a blessing to learn about this program. It fits me to a T. Everyone could use a health coach and I think I will do great with all the life experience I have received in this field!
Right now I am still working from my computer. However, come July 1st I will be nannying three children! You can also say I will be this lovely families health coach, since that is what they like to call me! Every family has their struggles but they especially need someone to help out their family in areas of nutrition, balance, structure and so on. I am really excited for this “real life” experience in the field I want to eventually go into!
I also got a seasonal job at whole foods as I mentioned before!
The last possibility I received was working seasonally at Cedar Park for their events and sports games. However, I am not 100% sure about this one considering I do want some personal time. 😉
It all seems to be coming together and I couldn’t be happier.
However last night..
I had a bad bad dinner. WAIT, LET ME GO BACK. I had a dinner that wasn’t healthy.
It was a lot a lot of peanut butter.
I made a salad, but it turned out gross.
So I ate a banana, tortilla and a lot of peanut butter.
I have to admit, I have been depriving myself from a lot of stuff and it turns out that what happens when Lauren does that.. she eats a lot of something that she maybe shouldn’t have. But as of June 10th 2012 I am letting that Lauren go. The Lauren that obsesses about food and exercise 24/7. The Lauren that thinks she wants to be super skinny. The Lauren that listens to what others say about her when the only person that can make Lauren happy is herself.
Think back about 10 years. Do you remember everything you did? Do you remember everyone that called you a name or bullied you? What was the point of you living at that very moment in time? To learn, grow and experience life right? Do you remember what you wore, how you looked or what people thought of you? Does it matter now? HAHA no! Not at all. It was what you were doing at the time that mattered! Not that the things you owned, what you wore or what people thought of you.
So this month of peanut butter jar eating, my car being towed twice, my car crash, my burnt back, etc etc will not be remembered ten years from now. However, the experience could never be forgotten. The lessons I learnt and the confidence I have built will stay with me forever. The confidence I have gained for myself will be spread all over.. so you too can learn what it’s like to feel empowered and have 100% control over your life and not in the hands of the ones who believe beauty lies on the outside. To me, a happy person is beautiful.
You can say your happy with yourself but when you catch yourself smiling because you know you have control of your happiness, that is when it’s truly empowering. I have inspirational people I look up to because they battled the same kind of obsession I have. I now look at there imperfect selfs and know that something saved them from obsessing the rest of there life with health. I strongly believe a healthy diet can save the world. But I also believe that deprivation also kills some souls. It leads to more obsessive thoughts and doesn’t teach how one can control their thoughts and mind to think what it wants.
I don’t know what tomorrow brings. However, I know tonight my stomach is actually not asking for more food and it’s happy because I fed it with what it needed.
Someday I want to write a book. I love sharing and I rarely do enough for myself. I want to share my story with others and teach them what I have learnt throughout my time here on earth.
Today….. I might get my hair done and get some roller blades… because it sounds like fun.
I declared that in order to be that happy person I love seeing whether it’s in person or over the internet, I have to start “not caring” so much. Like I said….. ten years from now the only thing I will regret is not being myself in a world trying to make me into this BORING perfect person.
YOU HAVE TO PUSH YOURSELF and CHANGE the way you think, try being alone a little bit more. You will begin to understand what TRULY makes you happy. You may think “why do I not care what I am wearing?” or “does this really make me happy?” You live and learn people!