Hello everyone. How was your weekend? I called this post massage your mushrooms because I am working on thoroughly cleaning everything I put into my mouth. 😉
I have done a lot of self- help and reflecting this weekend.
First off I am no longer in a relationship. I have been single for a little while now actually…
Enrolling in the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, reading and listening to what my inner self was telling me really helped me to understand it was no longer a healthy relationship.
However, the relationship taught me a lot about who I am, what I needed to improve on, and what truly makes me happy.
Isn’t it funny how much one person can teach you? Even if it wasn’t the best relationship?
I unfortunately tend to surround myself with unhealthy relationships, who knows why? But I am progressing and becoming more honest with myself each and every day! I will never be perfect but I can always strive to be the best version of myself. 🙂
I am an outgoing, impulsive, silly person. I use to hate being alone because I would “think too much” and I always would talk or do something without taking the time to think first…
It’s who I
am was. Who would have ever thought that taking the time to think and become mindful is very very important?
But my ex boyfriend was a very introverted, mindful and logical person. Did I mention how I am the complete opposite? We butted heads a lot. But it really showed me another side to the world. Since we were alone a lot, it got me to start enjoying being alone with myself. At first it felt extremely uncomfortable. I didn’t know what was going on. I didn’t understand him or what I was doing. I felt so alone.
I am sensitive to others people’s mood, and actions. I thought something was wrong. He didn’t talk much. But it was just the way he was.
All the alone time and the relationship taught me about the other side I needed to develop that I never got a chance to do. Be alone. Thinking mindfully and logically. Become comfortable in my own skin. Learn not to be affected by others thoughts, moods, judgements etc. Not to believe everything I hear or think. Really become mindful.
However.. the downside.
He didn’t develop any emotions in his life. He didn’t know what feelings were. Therefore, that is something that will affect the relationship negatively. We didn’t hug much, talk, reflect with one another. We were too different and he wasn’t working on himself and what he needed to develop. He wasn’t letting my strengths teach him something. Without emotion and feeling.. where is life? Emotions are what drive life and all it’s made up to be! It’s what I do well with. I am an emotional, energetic, impulsive, extroverted person. 😉
This lead to me binging because I was replacing food with love. I wasn’t being nourished, touched, and loved. The binging lasted from the holiday season to a month ago. I needed to understand that the binging was being replaced with the unhealthy relationship.
Let me explain more about nourishing every aspect in your life by rolling back a bit. I was extremely happy in the summer of 2011. Right before I started dating him. However, my food/fitness was still not recovered. I still thought if I didn’t go to the gym at 4:30 AM every morning I would become “fat.” Although I was running around camp all day anyway! I was still eating boxed food and creating “do not” lists. It wasn’t the best relationship with food. I still had a lot to learn! But my relationships were great, I was being social at camp, etc. But was my mind/spirt developed?
The triangle was still not fulfilled. My spirituality and mind were not developed. I didn’t know what I was doing and why. There was no purpose! This came into play with the relationship and alone time. I have learnt a lot this past year about what truly makes me happy, what I truly enjoy doing with my time, and what truly nourishes me.
When I was working at a farmers market back in February of 2011 I was again extremely happy. I was communicating with people all the time, playing with fruit/veggies (by rotating them and stocking them..) and being on my feet! It was awesome. However, the relationships and environment wasn’t healthy. The people I worked with were rude, and judgmental. It wasn’t loving at all.
Life isn’t perfect now isn’t it? Why is there one aspect always missing?! But again, it taught me something and I loved being able to dance around fruit, listen to music and be partly outside all the time! It was awesome. 🙂
So my “triangle” of balance is still not all there..
I have gone times where my work was being fulfilled (farmers market/outside), my relationships (summer camp), and mind (relationship).. how do I get all this at one time??
In order to do this 100% you have to be open minded, you have to dislike the discomfort, you have to reflect, you have to educate yourself, you have to want to change for the better. YOU HAVE TO TRY NEW THINGS, LEARN ABOUT YOURSELF, and EXPERIMENT.
Which I have been doing.. for sure. Trying new diets/exercises, trying yoga, meditating, etc etc. I have tried so many new things within the last year it’s made my head spin in circles non stop. But it’s AWESOME.
Right now my relationships aren’t there and my work isn’t meaningful.
So, I graduate in two weeks. Another chapter will be entering my life. I can’t wait to share what that is going to be!
But I am not ready to tell all of you just yet.. you will have to wait and see. 😉
Thanks to all of you who are following my journey! I know I don’t post regularly and it’s always at different times. However, with finishing school.. it’s been a little crazy!
But I asure you.. my journey is just beginning! A new day, a new lesson. 😉
Food for thought:
Life’s experiences, lessons, habits, tears, happiness, activities, rituals, holidays, makes life worth living. If you got the chance would you do it all over again? Food is just one aspect. Think about the times you felt so filled with life that you never even thought about food. Things were more in balance when you were younger. You were receiving all the right nourishments. Love, physical activity, fuel, friends, a good nights sleep.
When I think that back to high school before all of this food obsession came into play I was being nourished a lot better then I am now (soon to change.) I was acting my age. I was with my friends all the time. I ate ok. I was fully happy just being myself! No I wasn’t a size two and I was perfectly happy that way. My friends liked me for me! I was even slowly overcoming my separation anxiety.
Well all hell blew off when the unhealthy relationship formed around running and diet.
Then even worse with an unhealthy relationship.
Then worse not living at school.
Then worse being in another unhealthy relationship.
However, it’s created who I am today. It’s taught me about life. It’s nourished me in a sense of having a purpose in life. To empower women the best way possible. With my stories, passions and drive for life. I will one day share my story and newly formed habits to others. I will teach others anything is possible.
Ask yourself why, reflect REFLECT and reflect, meditate, and be truthful with yourself.
Don’t tell yourself you can’t have something, instead say… “I am choosing not to do that or I am choosing not to eat that.”
Remember.. if you aren’t enjoying your journey or choices you aren’t going to want to do it. Slow, positive thoughts and changes is key!